With Thanksgiving right around the corner, many of us look forward to gatherings, connection, and celebration. However, for those who tend to prioritize others’ needs over their own—often referred to as people-pleasers—this time of year can bring a wave of anxiety and burnout. The pressure to accommodate everyone, make everything perfect, and avoid conflict can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion. In this blog, we’ll delve into why people-pleasing behaviors develop, the impact they have on our well-being, and how to navigate the holiday season in a healthier, more balanced way.
What is People-Pleasing and Why Does It Lead to Burnout?
People-pleasing is more than just being kind; it’s a behavior rooted in seeking approval and avoiding disapproval or conflict. For many people-pleasers, their sense of worth is tied to how well they meet the expectations of those around them. This can lead to neglecting their own needs in favor of accommodating others.
Often, the origins of these behaviors trace back to early life experiences. Some individuals may have grown up in environments where love and acceptance were conditional, based on their ability to satisfy others. For others, emotionally unavailable or critical caregivers might have pushed them to seek validation by putting others first, as a way of ensuring they were needed and valued.
Society and cultural messages also play a role, especially during holidays like Thanksgiving when there is an emphasis on generosity, hospitality, and togetherness. Those who have internalized the idea that their worth is tied to how much they give may feel an overwhelming urge to make the holiday perfect for everyone around them—often at their own expense. This pattern can lead to burnout, emotional stress, and a sense of emptiness.
Recognizing the Signs of Anxious Burnout in People-Pleasers
Anxious burnout can show up in several ways, particularly during high-stress periods like Thanksgiving. Some of the most common signs include:
- Taking On Too Much: People-pleasers often feel compelled to say “yes” to every request, whether it’s hosting, cooking, or managing family dynamics. This can result in feelings of overwhelm and physical exhaustion as they try to juggle all the demands placed on them.
- Feeling Unappreciated or Resentful: Even though people-pleasers go out of their way to accommodate others, they may begin to feel resentment when their efforts are taken for granted. This can create an internal conflict since they often struggle to express their frustration, fearing it may lead to rejection or conflict.
- Difficulty Establishing Boundaries: People-pleasers may find it hard to say “no” or set limits. During the holidays, this could mean overextending themselves, agreeing to tasks they don’t have the energy for, and ultimately neglecting their own needs.
- Losing Touch with Personal Needs: Focusing on others constantly can cause people-pleasers to lose sight of what they want or need. They may feel disconnected from their own desires and struggle to identify what brings them fulfillment.
Why Thanksgiving Can Be Challenging for People-Pleasers
The holiday season, especially Thanksgiving, can amplify these stressors for people-pleasers. The expectation to create a memorable and enjoyable holiday experience for everyone can heighten anxiety. Cultural ideals around selflessness and gratitude can also intensify feelings of guilt when they attempt to set boundaries or prioritize their own needs.
People-pleasers often fall into the habit of “mind-reading,” assuming they know what others expect without asking, which can lead to overcommitting and feeling stretched too thin. This dynamic not only drains their energy but also prevents them from enjoying meaningful interactions with loved ones during the holiday.
Strategies to Manage People-Pleasing Behaviors This Thanksgiving
To prevent burnout and manage stress, it’s crucial to recognize and address people-pleasing behaviors, especially during busy and demanding times like Thanksgiving. Here are some practical steps:
- Increase Self-Awareness: Pay attention to moments when you feel the pressure to agree or take on tasks that you don’t have the energy for. Becoming aware of these tendencies is the first step to breaking the cycle. Journaling or reflecting on your experiences can help identify patterns and triggers.
- Establish Clear Boundaries: Boundaries are essential in maintaining balance. Be honest with yourself about what you can handle and communicate your limits with others. If hosting a large gathering feels overwhelming, suggest a potluck where everyone contributes. If you need downtime, make it a priority, and communicate it clearly—setting boundaries is about self-care, not selfishness.
- Practice Assertive Communication: Assertive communication is about expressing your needs in a way that’s respectful yet firm. It’s not about creating conflict; rather, it’s about advocating for yourself. You might say, “Thank you for inviting me, but I need some time to rest today. Let’s catch up another time.” Learning to say “no” without guilt is vital for your well-being.
- Prioritize Self-Care: Incorporate small acts of self-care into your holiday routine. This could be as simple as taking a walk, practicing mindfulness, or reading a book. Taking time for yourself helps recharge your energy and reminds you that your well-being matters too.
- Reach Out for Support: If managing people-pleasing tendencies feels too difficult, consider seeking professional support from a therapist. Therapy can offer tools to understand the underlying causes of these behaviors and provide strategies for building self-esteem and setting boundaries.
Embracing a Healthier Approach During the Holidays
Thanksgiving is meant to be a time of connection and gratitude, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of your well-being. By identifying and addressing the roots of people-pleasing behaviors, you can start to create a holiday experience that’s not only enjoyable for others but also fulfilling for you. The key is finding a balance between being there for others and honoring your own needs.
Remember, saying “no” doesn’t diminish your kindness or generosity; it’s an act of self-care. This holiday season, focus on showing yourself the same compassion and support you extend to others.
